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Motherhood: Faith v Failure

When confronted with obstacles, some will tell you to be optimistic and to find the silver lining, or to look at the glass as half full. Some may say this is only a season, and to praise God during the difficult time. But what if there is no foreseeable end? Instead, the season is lifelong. I have been in a constant battle with my faith since Ethan was one year old. It is something I have prayed about relentlessly. Some days I do feel God's favor and I know that I am blessed. I feel His love and strength inside of me, and, by His grace, I'm able to push through another day. However, with every blessing comes another hurdle. Some of our hurdles haven't felt like hurdles at all- more like roadblocks and dead ends. There is nothing like feeling helpless and having no control of your child's health or well-being. I know this feeling as failure. I fight every day to conquer it and replace that feeling with faith. Let me start from the beginning of my motherhood journey.
Recent posts

It's Not Selfish, It's Self Love

It took me 33 years to realize that it is ok to be selfish. And now, I refuse to live my life any other way. I will selfishly enjoy every day I'm blessed with. I can't remember my first time being selfish, but I'm sure it came with a scolding or butt whooping. During childhood, we're taught that being selfish is bad. Share your candy, don't be stingy with your toys, let the other child use the swing first, etc.  Yes, these lessons are important, but so is the lesson of putting yourself first. I am aware that saying "I put myself first" sounds very selfish. However, in no way does putting yourself first infringe upon your ability to be caring, nice, giving, or the many other characteristics we consider "good." Coincidentally, by putting myself first, I am better able to be all these things to others. Being selfish has allowed me to become my best self. How can I take care of my son or be a good friend to someone when I am not taking

We Look, But We Don't See

Social media has allowed us to believe that we know each other. We look at pictures of people's daily lives on multiple websites & apps.  They post what they like, what they ate, what they listen to, even who they're voting for. And we look at it all. I mean, I guess we do learn a little. Saying, "he's obviously corny if he posts money pics" or assuming "she never has her kid because she's out at every day party and every night party." People are only giving us a glimpse into their life though. And even then, it's what they choose to show. Or they could be plain ol' faking it...  Taking pics in someone else's Rolls Royce or posting "My hubby sent me 'just because' flowers," but she really bought them for herself (true story). Abu Dhabi If you've read my other blog post, you know that I've always travelled. It's importance has been instilled in me since childhood. Currently though, its main benefi

Single With No Daddy Issues

I have been asked "How are you single?" on every first date I've been on since I've been divorced. My answer differs depending on how the date is going, but in my head it's always the same... I blame my dad. The summer before 8th grade, as I was packing to go to Ghana, I remember my dad sitting me down and saying, "I never want you to be impressed by a man taking you somewhere.  You have been to Jamaica, Canada, too many states to count, and now you're going to Africa, England, and France for a month. You will travel the world with me, your family, and eventually on your own.  You will be rich with culture. Don't let these niggas come around trying to 'show you somethin.' You will see the world and impress your damn self." These dating jewels were passed down sporadically and came a little more often as I got older. Another was, "Marry for money. Love will hurt." That one was probably given after a date/relationship gone wro

"Peaceful" Saturday Brunch

          After about four months of making plans and checking schedules, I was finally able to meet up with one of my girlfriends for brunch.  Why does it take so long to see a friend who lives in the same city?  Are we so busy that we can't find 2 hours in four months to get together?! Today, I didn't wait for the stars to align, I just made it happen :)           Ethan, my 5 year old son, is with his dad for the weekend but I can't sleep in because I wake up at 6am everyday. Every. Day.  Since I'm a great friend (I pride myself on this), I wait an hour before I pick up my phone to text my girlfriend, "Let's get breakfast!" *presses send and waits for response... 2 minutes pass... still waiting* Ok, I know it's early so I get up and start doing laundry.  Why not get my list of a thousand things to do around the house started? Two hours later, but somehow only one load of laundry done (I really need to remove my iPad from my bed), she texts m