Single With No Daddy Issues

I have been asked "How are you single?" on every first date I've been on since I've been divorced. My answer differs depending on how the date is going, but in my head it's always the same... I blame my dad.

The summer before 8th grade, as I was packing to go to Ghana, I remember my dad sitting me down and saying, "I never want you to be impressed by a man taking you somewhere.  You have been to Jamaica, Canada, too many states to count, and now you're going to Africa, England, and France for a month. You will travel the world with me, your family, and eventually on your own.  You will be rich with culture. Don't let these niggas come around trying to 'show you somethin.' You will see the world and impress your damn self."

These dating jewels were passed down sporadically and came a little more often as I got older. Another was, "Marry for money. Love will hurt." That one was probably given after a date/relationship gone wrong for him. Most recently, "F#ck that nigga. You don't need that drama."

So here I am... divorced, well traveled, high credit score, fun/funny, independent, educated, unimpressed, and 100% single - by choice of course. Thanks dad.

Disclaimer - My dad is the absolute best.  He has been my rock my entire life (mom too, but this post isn't about her).  We are best friends.  Yea, he is a lil hood, but still a professional. He's a Nurse Practitioner, an entrepreneur, an actor, and a poet with a large vocabulary - but that extensive vocabulary is out the window when he's "keeping it real." His love and advice are always appreciated. While I always accept the love, sometime I take the advice with a grain of salt. What matters is that he means well and that I'm not looking for a fatherly love from a man I'm dating.

Disclaimer #2 - I don't really blame my dad that I'm single, but he definitely plays a role. Let me explain...

Daddy issues - That's something that most men complain about. I don't have any. However, I think my lack of them is intimidating. In college, I went to the auto show with my boyfriend and pointing at an expensive car I said, I want to drive that after I graduate." I cannot remember what car I was looking at, but I do remember him telling me later that maybe I should aim for something less expensive. I thought to myself, "why should I settle if that's what I want? I work hard in school and I'll work hard in my career. Therefore, I should get what I want."  We broke up shortly after that.  Not because I wanted a nice car, but because he cheated on me. She wasn't in school, had no real plans for the future, and was ok with being a side chick.  I believe my aspirations and expectations for my life scared him and didn't make him feel like a man or a provider. Is that his issue or mine?

It's just it's both of ours *Red from Friday voice*
His issue was not feeling like or being a man on his own. He needed a woman to idolize him and need him like a father. And, go figure, he had his own daddy issues.
My issue was/is I'm honest and too blunt at times (that's not just from my dad, I also blame a family full of Jamaican women). It also takes a lot to impress me (this blog post has finally come full circle). Not to impress me with money and trips, but with consistency, honesty, communication, etc. The "small" things that aren't so easy to keep up. Yes, trips are fun and money can be exciting, but I'm looking for what's in the core of a person. 

So why am I even writing about my singleness and non-daddy issues? Simple answer - it came after meditating. I try to meditate for twenty minutes every morning.  I'm normally happily single. I stay busy, I do things I enjoy, and I date myself. I mean, yes, I go on dates too, but they're not a priority.  

After meditating this last time, I felt lonely.  I missed companionship. I missed intimacy.  I missed discussing my day with one person.  I missed cooking and getting dressed up for someone.  Basically, I missed all the relationship cliches. Although it was a fleeting moment, it was still a moment and I decided to reflect on that feeling.  I thought about why I might've felt that way, if I should try and do something about it, and figure out if I was truly missing something or someone.  Turns out, I have yet to be impressed (again, full circle). I want butterflies, I want to be in love, but first, can I just get a lil honesty, thoughtfulness, and a man that knows what he wants? Until then, I'll keep working, traveling, and writing. I truly believe if I focus on my goals and consistently work on bettering myself, the right man will come along.  Not a perfect man, just the right one for me. I'm not looking, but I welcome it. And yes, I know, I will need to impress him too (again, not what this post is about).

Dad, although you're to blame, you're also to thank.  Thank you for making sure I know what I deserve, for making me well rounded, and for the years and years of sub par relationship advice.  We'll both get it right in that department sooner or later ;)